Untitled (can’t think of any title for this post, babe..)

This post is dedicated to Morgan Mellish, a journalist for the Australian Financial Review

The first time I met Morgan was in September 2006 at one of JFCC’s parties. This tall and a good looking guy was definitely fun to talk to. He loved to chat, yet he was a good listener too. Since then, we hung out a lot and we got closer and closer… It’s been 6 months since I knew him, yet I think it’s still too short…

He was such a sweetheart. He could be calm, yet he could be crazy too. When he started to do his “stupid” dancing moves, I couldn’t stop laughing. He was very entertaining and I always shouted, “Kamu gilaaaaa!!!” (meaning: You’re crazyyyy!!) He asked me to dance for him many times (I used to be a traditional Javanese dancer), but I was too shy to do it. I danced for him once and he said that he really loved it. He found it sexy (that’s what he told his friend). Hehehe… Then, couple of days ago, he asked me to dance again, but I refused to do so. Now I really regret it… I wish I danced for you that night… 🙁 If only I knew…

Babe, now I could see the bright side of my suspension in that TV show. God wanted me to be with you more often, especially for the last 1 month. Although you’re very pissed off about my suspension and convinced me to stand on my ground, I’m glad now that I was suspended. Really. Coz, then I was able to spend the weekends with you. I guess everything happens for a reason, huh? But no worries… I would listen and do as you said…

I really enjoyed the time with you, babe.. When we shopped for furnitures in Kemang, spent hours to print and frame your pictures, ate sushi at our fave restaurant, went to Bali together and you’ve been very patient accompanying me to go in-and-out those boutiques! (thanks so much, babe… i found it very rare that a boyfriend could patiently waiting for his gf trying clothes), watched the play (although u didn’t really understand the story because it was in Bahasa Indo), watched the Wayang Kulit (fortunately it had English subtitles yah, babe? :)), etc.. etc… It was also nice only to spend the weekends watching dvds and chatting with you…. Lately we’re too exhausted (or lazy?) to go out yah… unlike the first couple of months, we always went out and had dinner at different fancy restaurants in town… (am glad that you could eat a l’il bit of spicy food!)

Am also glad that I didn’t go to the Java Jazz on Sunday night. I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t wait to see him that night… I bought him some children books in Bahasa. He read one of the books, but didn’t manage to finish it. One of his new year’s resolutions was: to be able to speak Bahasa Indonesia fluently. It was indeed a very nice, quiet and lovely night. I knew I made a good decision to go to his place that day.

It’s very hard for me to believe that now Morgan isn’t around anymore. Tuesday afternoon (March 7th), he still sent me sms saying that he had to go to Yogya that night. He said that he hadn’t eaten anything, was running around the whole day. Later in the evening, I called him, thought that he was already in Yogya, but he said that he missed his flight. He would take a morning flight tomorrow. Then we made an appointment to meet on Thursday, March 9th. Apparently, it was the last time that we spoke… :((

Yesterday morning (Wed, March 8th), when I arrived at the office, my colleagues were all watching TV. I was like, “What’s going on here?” They said that Garuda (GA 200), the 6am flight, crashed. I was shocked, “Oh my God, Morgan’s on the plane!” … But there were some confusions since his maid said that his ticket wasn’t Garuda, it was Adam Air. But knowing him, I knew that he would prefer to fly with Garuda.

That day was a tough day. I couldn’t think of anything. Especially when my journalist friend called up and said that Morgan was one of the victims. I wished this was just a bad dream…. Someone, wake me up please!! You can pinch me so hard, I wouldn’t complain, as long as this isn’t real…

So, here I am now. In Yogya. I don’t know what to do, but I just wanted to be here…

Babe, I met your Mom and sister, Caroline today. You really looked like your Mom. I could see you in her. What I didn’t expect was that I met her and Caroline in this kind of difficult situation. But they looked very strong. Your Mom kept on saying that it’s fate. I guess I should think that way too as there are just so many questions running in my head. What happened? Were you fainted before you managed to get out from the plane? Oh, I should stop questioning yah, babe… it won’t make any difference now… :(( it won’t bring you back…

Gosh… It feels like you’re still around, babe. I really miss you. I want to see you… Can I ?

He was very very sweet to me. He really made my days colorful. And FYI, the guy who gave me a cute little surprise in that lovely afternoon, it was him: Morgan Mellish.

Please rest in peace, babe… And say hi to God from me yaahh… Am sure He’ll take a good care of you now 🙂 And thanks for the lovely time that we spent together. It was very meaningful for me..

Lots of love, Nila.


  • Nilzz… how is it going today darling?

    Sorry can’t be there for you.. :(((

    Somehow this makes me aware of how we human have control over practically nothing… What we can do is just cherish every moment and all the love given by dear Tuhan….

    Be strong ya, sayangg.. 🙂 Tetap berdoa buat Morgan, and for yourself….. I’m doing it too from here….


  • My darling mateel, if only I could hug the hurt away 🙁 But you’ll be a stronger person from now on, and remember that he will always be by your side. Now you have such as gorgeous guardian angel. Love you!

  • Nila:
    I am still in shock and can’t even begin to imagine how you are feeling right now. Morgan was such a sweetheart and this is such an incomprehensible tragedy. You take care.

  • turut berduka cita yang sedalam-dalamnya. i cried when i read this post. 🙁

    semoga morgan berbahagia di sana. setuju dengan nadia: cherish every moment and all the love given by dear Tuhan.

    yang tabah ya.

  • Our thoughts are with you, Nila.

    From all we’ve heard, Morgan was a very special person and you were lucky to have one another.

  • Nila,
    You most certainly did enjoy his company when he was there with you.
    Physically, he may not be around any more, but god has shown you one of his creation. The one that was Morgan.
    You sound strong, very strong, and my prayers are with you, that you will find solace in your loved ones, and hopefully soon, you will be back on your feet.
    Remember the memories,, and live life to the full, for them.

  • Dear Nila,

    It’s a tough experience for you, I can feel it.
    Needles to say, it is called fate. The Mighty Him already arranged everything for us.
    One thing that we have to realize, we don’t kno what we’ve got till it really gone. Take very good care of what you got.
    I experienced once like you, fortunately, one (I loved so much) is still alive. At least I can manage to meet him or send him sms.
    I hope you’d be strong to face everything, I believe you are.


  • I just happened to browse through your blog and read about the incident.

    I am sorry to hear that. But do stay strong Nila. I am sure Morgan is now looking at you from above.

    A passer-by

  • Dear Nila, I, a stranger to you, am touched by your writing. Be strong. Joy and sorrow are woven fine….

  • I just knew it was your boyfriend from a photo in The Age showing you crying… and I suddenly convinced it was you Nila Tanzil ngelancong yuk. He’s quite a famous Journalist AFR..

    Deep condolences, Nila.. Semoga tabah ya.. 🙁

  • Nila,

    I have not met you or Morgan but I would like to express how sorry I am for your loss. I cannot imagine what your going through. I read your blog on Morgan and it broke my heart. I wish you could have spent longer together. I cant believe this has happened such a waste of lives. My thoughts and prayers are with you. God bless you through this difficult time. Stay strong.

    Christine from Melbourne, Australia

  • hi, was linked from one of Chinese Newspaper in Malaysia on your frustration during the ‘Visit Malaysia’ promotion here….

    some how, found that you just lost your good mate here 🙁

    Life still long journey to go, take care.

  • Nila dear,

    I’m very sorry to hear this. My heart goes out for you darl. Hope you’ll be strong and I hope Morgan will rest in peace too…

    I hope to see you in Jkt, yea.


  • Dear Nila,

    My prayers and heart are with you during this very sad time. Morgan seemed such a lovely person, so unfair to go this way. I know God must have some big story for him to cover in another dimension.

    God revealed this to me and was such a confort during a close family members death…..People say you come into this world with nothing and leave with nothing….God showed me this is not true….you do take something with you….LOVE. The love of the people you left behind, Morgan has taken your love with him Nila…and what he has left you… his love.

    I hope this can bring you some comfort during this time.

    God bless you.

    Canberra, AUSTRALIA.

  • Nadia, treasure his memory. Thats what he wishes from you. From me, you be strong. You have a lot to do. Thank you for putting our Tourism Minister in a spot….now he is blaming all women bloggers for his screwup. Read my post. Girl, you be strong and stay the course, ok. Bless you.

  • hi, i am Raven from malaysia,
    do u know that our Tourist Department “Tunku Annan” say u are lyer?

    he say all the blogger is lie ppl 1, and 10000 of unemployed blogger, 8000 is female,

    plese respond

    sorry for my poor english

  • Hello Nila,
    I heard about Morgan through a good Australian friend of mine. I have been enraptured by his website and feel that such an incredible man was taken way too early from this earth. You were so lucky to have been close to him. My thoughts are with you.

  • Nila, your response, please
    = = ==
    Tengku Adnan: Bloggers are Liars
    80% are Unemployed Women
    updated:2007-03-08 20:11:32: MYT

    (Kuala Lumpur) The Tourism Minsiter Tunku Adnan lashed out today (Mar 8, 2007) that all bloggers on the Internet are liars, out of which 80% are unemployed women.

    “All bloggers are liars, they cheat people using all kinds of methods. From my understanding, out of 10,000 unemployed bloggers, 8,000 are women.”

    Tengku was addressing the media at the 2007 Malaysia GP Sales when he was asked about allegations made on a blog by a female TV presenter. The guests present were shocked at first, but burst into laughter.

    He said he may lose some female voters but did not retract his statement or indicate that he was just joking.

    He said that bloggers spread rumours, disrupt social harmony and many bloggers are slanderous and are cheating people with their blogs.

    “All bloggers are not in favour of national unity. Our country has been successful because we are very tolerant with each other, if not, there will be civil war, the Malays will kill the Chinese, the Chinese will take revenge and kill the Malays, and the Indian will kill everyone.”

    He urged the rakyat not to simply trust bloggers, and gamble our future away because the achievement we gain in the 50 years of independence is not an easy task.

    “We have to show the world our positive attitude, if the world learn to be as tolerant as us, the world will be peaceful, without war or civil war.”

    He said that the tourism ministry has been promoting the country for the rakyat’s benefit, not just to benefit his own ministry.

    He stressed that the Malaysian tourism industry is now in a critical moment as the competition from the neighbouring countries such as Vietnam, Cambodia and the Philippines will be stiffer and Malaysia must respond proactively.

  • hi there nila!

    i found your blog while blog-hopping. i like it esp the way you write it and your peekchures too… they were kinda interesting enough.

    about morgan, i am so sorry to hear about this news. apparently life must goes on…

    p/s i’ll place a link to your blog in my blogroll 😉

  • I feel “pity” on you and also to all the LADIES.

    I’m not know whether there’s someone told you about how “sensitive” the Tourism Minister of Malaysia is. Because of your REASONABLE complains, he blamed the bloggers and FEMALES……

    I have posted a short write about this issue. You can just click on the name above this comments and it would link to my personal weblog. Feel free to read it.


  • Dear Nila,
    i can across your blog while surfign the net. I am so so sorry for your loss.. i know how it feels for i too have lost loved ones..

    im sure right now your in a stage of shock, denial, anger, and pain.. its a bad spot to be in dear but pray, thats the only thing u can do.. just surrender to god and let him give u sense and understanding…of this situation..

    god bless you dear nila..
    im so sorry for your loss…


    Do I wither up and disappear, or do I make the best of my time left?

    Accept the past as past, without denying it or discarding it.

    The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and let it come in.

  • my deepest condolences and prayers to you and his family. Be strong through this time.

    Do not care about these remarks by malaysian bloggers wanting your comment. How inappropriate these people are.

  • Deep condolesence for Morgan, Nila.
    Yang tabah ya. Kita semua ikut sedih akan musibah ini..Semoga Tuhan selalu bersama kita semua..amienn 🙂

  • Regarding Morgan, here’s a poem by Edna St Vincent Millay:

    MY CANDLE burns at both ends;
    It will not last the night;
    But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends–
    It gives a lovely light!

    Sometimes the light has to go out for it to seem so lovely…

    Life is so sad at times.

  • Deep condolence for your loved one, and I wish you all the best. I didn’t know you, but I love reading your writing. And knowing your experience of life (including the story of M’sia), I feel that I’ve known you for long time. Be strong Nila, my praying for you.

  • Dear Nila,

    I came accross your blog by chance, and I hope you’ve gain more strength in overcoming your loss. I hope you’ll be able to stand stronger on your feet again, because I am sure that’s what your loved one would expect from you.

    Hugs from me,

  • dear Nila,

    I don’t even know you, but I feel your sadness. I cried for your pain. It’s hard to lose a loved one. Be strong, girl. Your love is in a better place right now, I am sure, and he’ll be with you wherever you go.

    Lots of hugs from a stranger. My thoughts are with you.

    Deep condolences for people who lost their loved ones on the incident as well.

  • there’s always a reason for everything.

    i know it’s not easy, it happened to me once. but you know, it will pass, and when it does you’ll be much stronger than you already are now

  • I did not really pay attention to your post on Morgan’s Birthday. I straight to Untitled post so I though it was a love story post by a GF to her BF who she miss so much. Sweet, I thought. I continue reading…

    Then I come to “Please rest in peace babe…” I was like… OMG!!! I cant imagine how you feel, Nila (nah kan gue mulai nangis…). Be strong yah… As you said, “Everything happens for a reason”. You, two wonderful people, are lucky to had each other and shared moment together before he met his time. God saves the best for last for him. God bless you.

  • I lost you for a few months Nila, but now I found you again, just to find out that you lost the person that you loved so much.
    We find and lose people everyday, but it only truely hurts when we know it’s forever.
    Be strong and time will heal your pain.
    My thoughts are with you
    Your friend from Amsterdam, Alexia

  • I don’t know you I’ve never seen your shows. I live half a world away from you. I initially came across your blog after reading about the Mayla Tourist Board stupidity. Completely unrealated to your Loves death. I can only say that after reading your eulogy for surely that is what it is. I wish to offer words of solace. I feel compelled to write and say your grief has touched me. I feel for your loss however pitiful a statment that might be. The title of your Blog says it all …Life IS Beautiful. It would be a shame for someone with that attitude to lose it….there are so few of us.

    Ok I’m done please….have a nice life.

  • dear nila,

    Although it’s difficult today to see beyond the sorrow,
    May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.
    I am really sorry for your lost. Be strong girl 🙂

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