This afternoon I called one of my bestfriends in Jakarta. Me and her have similar point of view about life, relationships and career. Thus, we always feel free to discuss about anything and to “speak up” our mind that, perhaps, other girls could hardly understand. =) Today, we talked about marriage. Hmm… both of us are kinda have a “marriage phobia”, if I may say. =) It’s true. While almost most of our bestfriends were already got married, both of us still… doesn’t feel the urgency to get married so soon, although we both know that we’re not that young anymore. But… who cares? hahahaha… =D (my motto is.. as long as I feel happy being single, nobody can complain !) đ
She told me today that now her parents and relatives are pushing her with the “most annoying question” in the world, “When are you getting married, dear?” Although they ask her in a nice and polite way, still it doesn’t sound nice in her ears (maybe you guys know how it feels…). I had the same problem, too, back in those days, before I went to Amsterdam. My mom, aunts, and even neighbours asked me that question ! I could only reply with smile =) and to one of my neighbours who has daughter, I replied,”Don’t worry about me, I’ll take my time. What about your daughter? I think yours should go first as she already has quite serious and very long relationship with her boyfriend, doesn’t she?” Hearing me saying that, she said nothing more. Gotcha.
On the phone today, me and my bestfriend questioned : “Why do we have to get married?” Yeah, WHY? We burst to laugh when both of us thought that “It is okay not to get married”. We agreed that if we talked about this to other friends, they might think that we’re crazy. =P But seriously, do we have to get married? Why? Is it all about culture and religion? …
What I don’t like from Indonesian “culture” is that when you are in a certain age (let’s say above 27), your big family will start to annoy you with the same question again and again and again… they will make us feel annoyed and push us to give the answer, if could, with the exact date perhaps. =P Then they will stop asking.
I’m just concerned that there is a possibility for people to pick someone to marry without thinking twice because of this annoying question and uncomfortable circumstances. As far as I know, it does happen in real life. Really.
Why can’t people just be relax and stop bothering other people’s life? We don’t die if we don’t marry someone, right? If we’re single, doesn’t mean that we’re unhappy, right? Of course parents and the whole big family want the best for us, but… we are the one who knows what’s the best for ourselves. As I told my younger brother, “No one can force you to get married if you don’t want to”. Yes, sometimes we listen too much to other people and ignoring our heart.
It is okay to get married if you’re “ready”. If you’re not ready and still have some doubts, please… don’t do that, otherwise you will regret. Remember, there are lots of divorced couples out there. This fact also reminds me to think twice and sometimes scares me when I hear the word “marriage”. As Jovie, another friend of mine, said, “Why does it seem so easy for those people to say ‘ok.. let’s divorce!’?” Perhaps it was also that easy when they said, “Yes, I do”. đ
Anyway, I’m just concerned that how sick our environment is when it comes to the word “marriage”. I think, the social and cultural background in the society plays important roles in building the insecurity feelings of being single when we are above certain age. Then, because of one doesn’t want to be seen as “going out of track”, one has to follow and take “the normal route”, although he/she doesn’t sure where to go or whether the route is right for him/her or not. What a shame.
I don’t know how to change this and perhaps it’s a bit impossible to change as it is part of our so called “culture”. However, one thing that I know for sure : “I decide my own happiness… not my parents, relatives or friends. I will do whatever I want.. as this is my life”. Perhaps it sounds a bit arrogant, but that’s how I believe so far.
So, if I may suggest, “Don’t feel obliged to do something if you don’t feel like doing it. It’s your own life. You rule, not them!”
“Enjoy your single life… ” đ
luv,
*NiLa*
