“IF I KNEW THAT I WOULD DIE SOON..”

Sunday, April 23, 2006 5:30am

Just got back from DJ Tiesto’s (the world’s number 1 dj at the moment, he’s from Holland) performance @ Pantai Carnival, Ancol with Ingkan, Sabrina, Nadia, Marthijn. Fifi and Eba. We had a blast there! Loved the music. Well done, Tiesto! ☺ You’ve entertained all of us here in Jakarta! (huehehe… as if he reads this blog :P, hey.. who knows!) 😉

I don’t feel sleepy yet. My eyes are still wide open. I feel like writing something, but there are too many topics in my head that can be discussed here. Hmm.. OK, let’s discuss about “death”.

As human beings, we are attached with some values, rules, ethics, etc. There are things that we are not allowed to do, or at least, people would consider it as a negative thing, or even a taboo. Things that can make us feel ashamed of doing, because other people think so.
In life, we care so much about pride, ego and image. What will people think about us, if we do …? This question pops up so many times in our mind now and then.

Now. The question is… what if you happen to know that you will die in two months?
What will you do then? I think, if that happens to me, I will do lots of things that I’ve never done before but always wanted to do (of course!, that’s an easy answer and I’m sure most people will have the same answer)

But this time, I will not write down all the things that I’d like to do in those short two months period, coz the list will be loooong :p. Hehhee..

I think, the most important thing to realize is that all of a sudden, the importance of keeping my pride and ego at a certain level is vanished! All of a sudden, I don’t care of what other people will think. I don’t care whether my actions will embarrassed myself and make my pride goes down to the lowest level. I won’t care.
For example, I will tell the guy whom I love so much, but never have the guts to tell him my feelings all these time only because I’m holding too much on my pride and ego. This time, I won’t care. Those kinds of things are not an issue anymore. I will soon be dead anyway. I’ve got nothing to loose. So, why bother about pride and ego?

I’m wondering, if everyone doesn’t really care about pride, ego and image so much, then the world will be a nicer place to live. Everyone will be more honest and sincere to each other, there’s nothing to hide, no masks to put on, everything is transparent. People can tell truth to each other (even if they’re corrupted! But if we go further, actually, they corrupt because they want to build a high profile image in the society. They want to be seen wealthy, although in fact they aren’t! So, if they can be proud of their true identity and accepted by the society just as they are… no different treatment or whatsoever in the society, then there’s no need to corrupt, they can be more honest to everyone… and most importantly to themselves..). People can express themselves better, for example, kissing the same sex on the street (so, the gay community doesn’t have to worry on the society’s negative judgment toward gay issues), criticizing the government without having the fear to be kidnapped or getting “warning” from the company that we work for being too vocal in criticizing the management, and so on and so forth.

If that happens, then I think the world will be livelier! I’m not talking whether everything will be more organized, but at least we can be more honest and the relationships between each human being is more sincere and pure. We listen to our heart more and act like a child, in the sense of honesty and purity. No tricky and mind games coz simply there’s no need to have one. Everything is transparent. Although sometimes it hurts to know the truth, but time will heal. Like a child, we cry out loud when we’re in pain, but after that, we stop crying and go back to the playing ground again. Start laughing with friends and new friends… discovering new things together with them.. or even alone.

So, why can’t we be like a child anymore? As time goes by, we become grown ups and busy with tight schedules. Our life suddenly surrounded by certain values, norms, unwritten rules. Things that we should and shouldn’t do nor say to maintain our pride, ego and image. Yet, back to the first question on this post, when your time is up, will you still bother about pride, ego and image anymore? Are these things still important to you as you’ll soon be dead anyway? …

7 Comments

  • William Wordsworth once wrote in his poem: “a child is a father of man…” I think we don’t need to be ‘told’ by God when our lives will due to become an honest, open, and gentle-in-heart individual.

    All it takes is just a little time to look back at our childhood memories and be inspired by them…

  • Yes, I agree with you. That’s why I wrote this post, so that everyone who read it can start to live like a child, with an honest, open and gentle-in-heart 😉

  • The remembrance of death (and the after-life) is key to making a person humble and to encouraging him to make the most of his life – in a selfless way. Only a few remember this. And even fewer care enough to share this with their friends.

  • Hmmm yang ini dalem nih, Nil!
    I think it’s about the never-ending journey into one’s self. Seperti kata Bruce Lee di bukunya ‘Artist of Life’ yang mengungkapkan ‘…to know one’s self takes a lifetime.”

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  • Dear pilgrimforlife, thx for your comment. I take it as a compliment :). It was a random thought that crossed my mind after partying (hmm… what an odd thing to do after dancing all night long! hahaha..).
    But, indeed, “death” is an important ‘tool’ to remind us to stay close to ourselves and to the universe..

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