I realize that I’m having a difficulty in trusting men. Especially in the last couple of months. A lot of people said that all men are jerks. Before, I wouldn’t take this phrase seriously coz I believe that we shouldn’t make a generalization out of it. But these days, I started to believe that all men are jerks. Even though I wanted so hard to think the opposite.
A conversation with my kindergarten friend had shocked me a month ago. Apparently, many guys around us weren’t as innocence as we thought they were. Living in a big city with having a well-paid job is obviously has its own temptation. Yes. Temptation = Girls. What else?
I think, men just can’t resist the temptation of seeing nice, pretty, sexy girls around them, even though if they already have partners. They’re like animals. They just follow their instincts. Sex, is all they wanted.
What a shame. My friends’ and my own life experiences have taught me that it was difficult to find a loyal man. Someone that is loyal to his/her partner. Even a very nice guy that I’m least expected to be unfaithful is also doing the same thing. And they will do and try EVERYTHING to get you.
A conversation with Olivier through MSN, while I was packing my stuff on my last night in Singapore, provided me with a strong confirmation that all the guys want in this world is freedom. They will run away from you if you try to lock them in your cupboard. Perhaps it’s true that if you love someone you’ve gotta set them free.
But, how free? Isn’t that if we’ve committed to someone we can’t be as free as a bird anymore?
Olivier then shared his friend’s experiences. A couple. Out of the blue, the guy told his girlfriend that he wanted to have sex with other girls. Of course the girl was shocked. But then, eventually, they decided to give freedom to each other, meaning that they can have sex to anyone they want. (Hmm.. it reminded me of a story in Paulo Coelho’s book, titled “The Zahir”)
Anyway, in the end, this couple lives a happy life. Both of them are satisfied with their relationship. I don’t know whether you can call it a healthy one, but at least it works and both of them are very transparent about it. Well, it’s not something new, I know. I’ve heard about these things many times, but it’s just hard to imagine having such a relationship. And perhaps, I just don’t want one. There it goes, another true story that freaks me out about relationship and commitment.
Couple of days ago, another friend told me her story. She had a crush with a guy who lives in a different part of the world. When they finally met after months, she found out that the guy was cheating on her. Of course we can’t blame the guy nor the girl as long distance relationship has always been an issue for thousands of couples in the world. But, she just didn’t expect that a guy that she thought would be the nicest guy on earth could turn out to be just the same as those guys out there: jerks, unfaithful. He even dared to ask the girl to make love with him after telling that he has been seeing (and still) another girl! Gosh! What a story!
On the closing of her email, she wrote me this beautiful paragraph:
“Thank God for showing me this before everything is too late. Before I’m falling into a deeper love hole. Thank God that love isn’t there yet. Thank God that we’ve separated hundreds miles and that what made us apart. Thank God that when I see him now, I can see him from the other side of the fence. Thank God for showing me the light…” 🙂
I think what she wrote is wonderful. She still could see the positive side of her sadness. And for this, I envy her.
Maybe it’s true that most guys are jerk. So, girls, let’s not give them 100% of our trust or else we’ll be ended up smashed in little pieces. Again, as I said in the beginning of this post, it’s kinda sad to say it coz I really want to believe that not all them are bad/jerks. But hey, THEY ADMIT it themselves. So? Well, I guess, the lesson learnt here is that I just have to be very careful in choosing a guy to be my partner as there are only few of them that can be trusted. *sigh* Ah well… Isn’t our life so colorful and complicated? But, let’s think from this perspective: If it only has one color, then it will be a boring one… 🙂
A very interesting post indeed. You exposed a women’s point of view, calling men jerks. However, I know quite a lot of women that are exactly as you described in your post. Maybe we should talk about “human nature” and not women or men.
Hi Hugo! Good to see you here! 🙂
It’s true that some women are unfaithful. Especially these days, the numbers of unfaithful women are keep on increasing. It’s becoming a trend. Hahaha… But, why these women become unfaithful? Mostly because they think that they’re partners are cheating on them, or they think that guys can’t be trusted anyway! So, they make it even.
A lot of women have lost their faith on men. Why? It’s because we analyze men’s behavior in general. If only guys show more respect on their partners and relationship — stop fooling around and sleeping around, stop visiting those shaby places where they can have “fun” with strippers and “karaoke” girls and all that, stop trying their luck to seduce other girls, etc.. etc.. — then probably our lack of trust on men will be vanished away..
I can’t say that all women are faithful to their partners. But, in terms of percentages, there are more men who cheat on their partners than women. (I have to come up with statistical data on that, of course. Hehehe..).
But, look at the red light district area in every country in the world. These windows and clubs are mostly for men!! And these places are always full of visitors! It means that there are just so many guys out there who are in the search of excitement and new “experiences”. Maybe there are places like that for women as well. But, we all can see that the numbers are not that many. So, there you go.. 😉
I see that when guys are already in their comfort level and achieved something in life (e.g. fame, welfare), then they started to play around with their life. They seek for a new excitement. I found out that some people around me who become wealthy and achieved a certain level in their career, started to cheat their partners by seducing other girls (can be their friends or just fu*k around with working girls). The think that girls can be easily bought by money. Ckckck… what a shame. Shouldn’t they use their money to make their wives happier instead of wasting it for other girls that they just knew/met/barely know?
This reminded me of an old phrase: Men can be easily fall for 3 factors: girls/money/power.
I guess it’s true.
I think girls can be stronger when it comes to temptation :).
Well, again, as written in the title, this is my cynical thought about men. Of course there are some women who meet the type as described in my post. But I think that the jerks are still dominated by men than women…
Maybe in 10 years from know it will be even… who knows? ;P
Mateel, don’t we just LOOOVEE jerks? Hehehehe ;p
Coonteel, hahaha.. that’s the thing, we know that those guys are jerks, but we still love ’em. Isn’t that ironic? Hahahha.. :)) Damn!
All about men
Men behavior is not a mathematical equation neither rocket science. It is just normal human behavior. This means that we cannot create a stereotype called “man”. Such a concept does not exist! “Playboy”, “Middle age crisis” and other connotations usually given to men can already be consider a stereotype.
The type of man you talk about in your article is the “Playboy” stereotype, which usually have most of the following attributes
– good looking
– young
– good income
– like to have fun with women
– single
So, what drives a “playboy”. That is a very simple answer: beautiful women. This type of man likes to go out at night to clubs, where beautiful young women become easy prays, for his appetite. Meeting the girl, flirting, have a good chat is also part of a game that the main purpose is ending up in a bed, in that same day or very soon.
A playboy does not seek a medium or long term relationship… It just the fun of the moment, in the heat of the night and drinks and usually next day, they are nothing more than strangers. A playboy never promises a long term relationship and the girl is usually aware that nothing will come out of that night, except a good moment.
The “Middle Age Crisis” is:
– man in his 40s
– quite wealthy
– married with children
What are men looking for? Maybe some extra adventure that their weddings cannot give them anymore. After a few years married, seeing their wife getting boring and fat by the day, they decided to look for sexual adventure outside their marriage. Usually they seek an adventure once in a while to “release steam”. But sometimes they fall in love by the young girl, and that is when an entire family starts suffering.
For single man, the temptation around the corner does not seem being a problem. What do they have to loose? What do they have worry about?
I think I can add another category now: “Girlfriend collector”
– Young with a fixed girlfriend or fiancé
These are man without heart. Just want to keep the girlfriend to have a guaranteed future and have fun with other cute girls, keeping them as new girlfriends for as long as they think they want them.
This was probably the type of man you called jerks in your article. Indeed, they are jerks that just want to have fun, and they do not worry in keeping parallel relations and hurting someone along the way.
As you can see, all this applies to women too. But I have to confess that you were right when you mentioned that men are more unfaithful than women. That is what the statistics say…
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Hmm..i want to ask you back. may i? have you ever cheated on your boyfriend? or have you ever been the 3rd person? i mean having an affair with someone who has a gf? 🙂 thank you
dear anonymous,
I did have a story with someone who apparently still had a girlfriend! Damn.. when he was making a move and seeing me, he said that he was single, didn’t have any gf. So, yeah.. that was the story. Apparently, guys would do anything to get you even though they still have partners! Still, in the end, he never admitted that the other girl was his gf.
so are you sure u never cheated on your bf? never ever?
Following this discussion, an interesting article in Yahoo
http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/2/why-men-cheat
It looks like the link was too big to fit the page.
Click here
Nila,
Sometimes guys are in the phase of their lives where they met the new girl, but they do not know exactly what they want, so they keep both. I know it is a bit selfish, but is the kind of thing you really do not know what to do.
Some other guys just do it for the pleasure of cheating, and adding another girl to their countless list!
dear anonymous,
yup. if i have a boyfriend, i respect the relationship.
don’t you know that Taureans are the most loyal people compared to other zodiac signs? 😉 hehe.. maybe u knew that already 😉 *wink*
how about yourself? ever cheated your partner? 😉
hugooooo…
thanks a bunch for your thorough explanation and insights! very useful information, indeed.. 🙂
hahaha you are a liar! i know you did ever cheated your partner. you don’t wanna admit it, don’t you 😉
Nila,
I am just trying to expose a man’s perspective of the situations you describe.
Sometimes man meet a new woman, and get confused; do not know what to do anymore. Specially when that woman is smarter and more interesting then they have ever seen, even is she is not as beautifully as the present or past partners.
The intelligence of a woman can know a man out!
no. i’m not lying.
are you blackmailing me?
Oh ya… I forgot that there are so many psychopaths in this insane world! and you remind me like one.
woman woman! come on stop lying now and stop fooling around. i know you’re a very dangerous woman. everybody who knows you realize about this but they just keep it silent. ha ha…am i psychopaths? what about you, lady? take it easy!
It looks like there is a Blog Stalker around here 😛
It looks like there is a Blog Stalker around here 😛
It looks like there is a Blog Stalker around here 😛
Hi Nila,
Nice blog. I just want to say that not all men are jerks.. but most of us are.
You’re right: be careful in choosing the right guy. I know you’re a cute and nice girl and it would be such a waste if you date a wrong guy. Wasting your time, energy and charm. Remember that. So, good luck, dear..
but you know what? girls just as jerk as men.. the only different thing is that they dont get the chance as much he.he.he.he
being in love is a marvelous thing in life.. at least always love yourself the best you can..
Merry Christmas ya Nila…
hi Nila, happy new year! hope u’ll have a great 2007..
hi nila,
“Coonteel, hahaha.. that’s the thing, we know that those guys are jerks, but we still love ’em. Isn’t that ironic? Hahahha.. :)) Damn!”
Thats the thing, don’t tell me your BF is a very nice guy, nice will definitely get rejected from those beatiful women because u tink that they are boring and etc..etc and etc.
Don’t put the blame on men. Blame it on the way women choose a men.
-a small director-
Putrajaya. Malaysia
PS: I did have the oppertunity watchin ‘Melancung yuk’Malaysia edition when I arrive at jakarta on the 4th last month. cool..I like it.
-n-
Dikomentnya pake bahasa indo aja ya
Well, itu antara nila yang salah nyari cowoknya ato emang nila sukanya ama cowok yang unfaithful…
Aku temenan ama temenku ber5…dari 5 yang truly unfaithful cuma 1…sisanya paling yah cuma ngeliat ada cewe cantik ngiler dikit selse…tapi maju pun tidak….jadi based on my experience…cowok unfaithful itu cuma 20% dari sampel…
Nah, sekarang cewe unfaithful…dari 3 kali pacaran 2 unfaithful….jadi?….how’s the statistics bu?
Yes, it is either women are unfaithful….Or I truly deeply in love with unfaithful women….
I’d like to consider human as an animal…not just man…but also women…both affecting the same probability numbers of being unfaithful…..
here’s my story – my husband of 22years & his X-fiancee who is married to her chosen geezer for 28years, ARE cheaters/jerks.
i caught my husband via his office email. they have been emailing for a year, cellphoning & seen each other once at the airport so he claimed. i can’t say with confidence that he didn’t do her while at the airport even though he has repeatly stated that he didn’t.
my geezer is 53years old, she is 54years, her geezer is 9years her senior & i am 47years young. we have 2children & she has 1. it is true that our marriage became stale & i believe that hers was that too. this might be the reason why she tracked him down 15years ago & continued to correspond with him then. he stopped after a year of correspondence because he wanted to start anew. but that didn’t stop her from googling his name & entered his life again in 2006.
she familarized herself to him, reminded him of the good times they had, told him of the things she still has from him like a keychain which all her keys are on. my husband insisted that we visited his university hometown this past March which i now know that he was recalling the good times he had with her. the next day after the visit, he called to tell her about what changes he saw around the university. i now know that during that time, he became distance from me. indeed, having sparks in a dull marriage does perk up those involved but the consequences are toxic & deadly.
you see, i fell in love with a humble man whom i believed to be incapable of hurting me physcially & mentally. boy! was i wrong! i had piled on so much love, respect & admiration for him all these years, that it overflowed the plate which held all of that. now, all of that is gone. this is my reward for my loyalty in our marriage. i have had many temptations but i knew that i don’t need to participate in any because i have plenty enough of love from my husband & children.
the worst part of this deceit was that he was close to hiring her only child into our family business. this was to help her 24year old child gain self-esteem & he wrangled our employee into this secrecy. lucky for this employee, he is not fired yet. my husband knew the rules but yet decided to break them because as he stated to me – it made sense.
he took my weakness – anger & used it against me as an excuse to protect me.
she got bolder after the flirty airport meet because he told her that i didn’t know about their contact. since then, she signed off her emails with love & encouraged my husband to not open her emails at home.
by the way, he had 5years with her when she cheated on him while being engaged to be married when she dumped him close to their wedding date. a man with dignity will not want to associate with a woman of no morals after he married his love of his life. they made the wrong choice in marriage partners, they truly deserve each other.
she spend government’s time when she send things to him & the various form of contacts – she is an editor in the soil division. her husband is a piano tuner, mine owns several successful businesses.
the good outcome of this is that my husband spends more time with our children now by coming home before the sun sets. he pays more attention to my words & actions.
i still taunt him about his betrayal so that he won’t forget. i don’t know if i will stop taunting completely & don’t know if i can forgive him so that i can move on. i told him that since he forgave his X for her cheating, then he too must forgive me when i cheat on him in the future. i will not divorce him because i have built so much goodness for my children & to do so will allow her to be with him. this is my way of taunting her. in her earlier emails to my husband, she declared to him that she is happily married – got him fooled.
i don’t want to be sure that he has not made contact with her now & vice-versa because he keeps assuring me that he is committed to me. i told him that the only reason why he is committed to me is that he knows that i will sue him for every penny he has & make his new life hellish. he hasn’t seen hell yet.
i would like to email her again via her office & tell her that she can have him when he becomes an invalid & penniless – true love 🙂
so if i get an opportunity to experience the excitement that he felt while he was cheating, i will not hesitate to take it. it is only fair.
so beware of the X’s. they come back to haunt you.
Well, after reading all this I have to write my comment.
I had an affair with a married man. I started it just to try it, I just wanted to see if I can be like those girls…players. And I didn’t care about his wife or anything. I tryed it and….I fall in love. I coudln’t see him much, he lives in another state, very far from me. So I saw him couple of times a year. When he could come to me or he would buy me a ticket and flew me there. I had it for almost 2 years. I knew he would never leave his family but I did talk to him still. I found out that I love him when he already had 2 baby with his wife. And I still was talking to him and seeing him when I can. When I was asking him why is he doing that? cheating on his wife? At first he was giving me the old story about his wife cheating on him. But then he start saying that he loves me but he can’t leave his family because he was growing up in a broken family. So he can not hurt his kids. I didn’t believe about cheating wife but for sure i could understand about kids. Besides the thing that I knew that stories about married men leaving his families for another girl is a bullsh*t.
So, I just didn’t care about anything else. I just enjoyed him as much as I could. I didn’t and still don’t care about his wife and I am not ashame. Because I had something with him what I couldn’t have with a random guy. I still think that it was love. BUt of course I had to stop it. So, I don’t talk to him for about 3 month now. And I proud of that,it was really hard to stop.
And what I’ve learned from that…just believe that everyone is able to cheat. And I believe that when I’ll have my husband eventually he will cheat on me too. I don’t agree with all that but that’s life. And me….I don’t want to cheat, but if my man will cheat on me, I will deffinetely cheat on him.
BTW, when I had an affair with a married man I didn’t have a boyfriend.
One of the biggest problems in the world today is that it’s overly focused on the sexual aspect of a relationship. People are trying to satisfy their needs through the wrong means.
A healthy relationship needs a strong base. Most relationships start with a strong physical attraction and usually remain physical. But what people fail to do is build the relationship on things that will last, the things that make us different then the next person: our personality, beliefs, and values. These things will never change.
Relationships that are able to hold off on the extreme physical aspects and build on the intimacy between each other are far more likely to last. This can help both sides too. If you’re worried about trusting someone, then you may not know them well enough. And if you do know them well enough and still don’t trust them, it’s not worth pursuing.
Most of the time, you can separate the “jerks” in life simply by getting to know them before getting with them.
Trust me. I’m a nice guy through and through. I’ve never been unfaithful and I never will. There are “bad apples” on both sides of the gender spectrum. Finding a good person can be tough, but the best way to get to know someone is not through their pants. If a guy walks away because you want to take it slow, then let him walk away. The best guys in this world can and will hold off on the physical aspects of a relationship because they respect themselves, and most of all, they respect you.
JON
Hmmmm. Let's see what the Cynical Web Site has to say about men.
http://cynical.ws/definition/men
* All men are animals; some just make better pets.
* The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can.
* Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high.
* Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
i know this is an old post but still i have to get a permission..do you mind if i share this on my blog? i'll mention that you own this post =)