“The More You Restrict, The More They Will Rebel”

Yesterday and the day before I stayed at my aunt’s house. She also lives in Eindhoven. She has one daughter who is 18 years old. ABG. =) My aunt is very different from my Mom. She is quite conservative and strict, while my Mom is a cool mom. =) For example, she won’t give a permit for her daughter to go clubbing with her friends, while my Mom feels fine with that. So, when I was still in the high school, I could go clubbing til late in the weekend and she never got angry, as long as she knew that I study during the weekday. She trusted me. She knew that her daughter needed to have fun in her adolescent age. =D How did I gain her trust? It was easy. As long as my grades were good and I was still at least at the top 5 in the class, she would be OKAY. She knew that I was always serious in what I did and thus she wasn’t worried at all to let me go clubbing or hang out with friends.

She also trusted me to study in Bandung and knew that her one and only daughter could “take care” of herself. =) When I was in Bandung, sometimes I was shocked to see my friends that used to be “good girls and never went out at night” became so wild. Some of them even had a “drug addiction” problem after a while. I still remember one of my high school friends whom I met in one club in Bandung told me that she couldn’t go out at night and couldn’t go clubbing because her parents wouldn’t let her. “So.. I really enjoy my time here and I go clubbing as much as I can”, she said with a very happy expression on her face and a cigarette on her lips. As far as I knew, she didn’t smoke before…

That night I was thinking of how dangerous it is to restrict your children in an extreme way, because once you’re not there, they would do things that you forbid. Suddenly I felt so lucky to have such a cool Mom. I could go anywhere I want and told her about how fun the night was. =)

Last night, that kind of feeling suddenly appeared again. My cousin was planning to go to “I Love Indo” party with her friends in Tilburg, about half hour from Eindhoven. Normally, her Mom would give a permit if she went clubbing with ME. Unfortunately, I couldn’t go with her. So, she had to lie to her Mom. She said that she would sleep at her bestfriend’s house together with 2 other girls. When she said that, I was silent. I felt bad because actually I knew the truth. However, I said nothing. I felt so uncomfortable to see how my cousin lied to her Mom just for a simple thing. I didn’t know why but I felt sorry for my aunt… on the other hand, I also felt sorry for my cousin because it seems that her life is so restricted so that she has to lie for the sake of having fun.

Again I realized how lucky I am. My Mom trusts me until now. These kinds of things have made me to think and decide that once I got married and have kids, I would act like my Mom. I don’t want to be someone who acts more like a “police cop” than like a mother. I would give trust to my children as long as they could show their responsibility, as I don’t want my children lie to me and do something bad behind my back. I think, if I act like a “police cop” and always say, “Don’t do this, don’t do that”, then… at the end, I will not know my children’s personality and behavior in the ‘real life’, outside the house.

I think, if we show trust to our children, it will create a sense of responsibility. This will avoid them to do “naughty” stuffs just for the sake of curiosity or just to “follow the trend” (an obvious example is drugs) and they will also respect you more than anyone else. They will trust you and will share their feelings and experiences with you… isn’t it beautiful?

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