On the plane that took me back from Sydney to Jakarta, I was sitting in between an Indonesian girl who studied in Australia and an Australian guy who works in Jakarta. The girl told me that her parents sent her back to Jakarta because every time they called her, she never at home. She was very upset as she really had a good time in Australia.
After a long chat with the girl, I started to chat with the Australian guy who sat on my right side. He’s a political expert who works for Centre for Democratic Insitutions, named Dr. Stephen Sherlock. And apparently, he flew to Australia to attend a memorial service for Alison Sudrajat, one of the victims of the ill-fated Garuda. His ex-wife is Alison’s best friend. He was also a good friend of Alison and they’ve known each other for 15 years. Oh dear…
We discussed lots of stuff until I told him about the cultural differences in handling grief when someone dies. I asked him, “Why do people go to a bar afterwards and drink a lot? Do people drink to get rid of the sadness? Because I think if that’s the reason, it’s not a good idea as after sometime (if we keep continue choosing alcohol as an instant answer to runaway from the sadness), the reality will hit even harder! That’s when we realize that everything is real. And then it’s not good as then we will feel down even more”
He said, “No. That’s not the idea. Of course some of them maybe drink to get an instant “runaway” from the sadness, but actually, the idea of having drinks after a funeral/memorial service is to celebrate the person’s life. So, it’s a whole celebration of his/her life. We celebrate that the person has lived life to the fullest, that he person had done and achieved many good things when they were alive. We celebrate those good things and memories. In short, it’s a celebration of life”.
Wow. That makes sense. We should celebrate and be happy that the person had once lived a beautiful life!
His statement made me think that it’s a totally different way of seeing death. I used to the way Indonesians dealing with loss. We cry for his/her death. We mourn as we won’t see the person anymore. We grief for he/she’s leaving us forever. Then we pray that God will open the heaven’s door that person. We pray that he/she will live peacefully up there.
I never thought that we should party to celebrate a person’s life on the day he died, or after funeral/memorial service. It really gives me different perspectives. And I LOVE the idea.
Instead of grieving (of course we could grief as we can’t deny that it’s such a sad moment), we should be thankful that we get a chance to know the person and witness how the person embraces life. Enjoys life. And we should celebrate that person’s life. For him/her. And for us too! As it’s also a reminder of how precious life is and we shouldn’t waste it.
How beautiful the idea is.
It’s much nicer to think of all the good memories and how nice the person’s life was than grieving for his/her death and thinking that we wouldn’t be able to see him/her anymore.
I’d love to think that we would see each other again. One day… đ
dear nila…
I can feel right now your sadness. I had experienced the same thing as my mom and dad passed away five years ago. As I am writing this letter to you, oh…oh… my tears is starting to drop again…and again…?? Yes… i missed them very much.. Please God give my dad and mom a peacefull resting in good place over there….
Indeed,I thing it is best for us to remember good memories with them.
But occcasionally I still can’t do it….and the best way for me is just crying…crying… and pray for our beloved person.
My God always protect and love your boyfriend. “Moga-moga nila dapat diberikan kekuatan dan iman oleh Tuhan Yang Maha Kuasa. amin”
regards
adit
That hits the nail on the head.
And I thought all cultures were the same in that respect, you learn something new everyday!
Hi Nila,
Happy Birthday yea.
Hope you’re ok and be strong, girl!
Love,
Ria
it means God more love ur Morgan than everyone..
it’s ok to cry, cos crying can express our emotion, but remember to back in real life..
I give my simpathy for u..
salam kenal mba Nila..
Fithri Amalia
nilzzz…. gw baru inget jaman dulu di kelas agama islam masa gw dibilangin kalau ada org meninggal ga boleh ditangisin.. mungkin ini yaa say, maksudnya?? jaman gw kecil dulu gw protes gitu dalam hati, huh dasar guru penuntutan, masa orang meninggal ga boleh ditangisin, kalo sedih gimana dong…. Skarang dipikir2 lagi, iya juga yaa, kenapa juga ga celebrate life nya.. đ
adit: thanks ya
john: yup, we learn new thing(s) everyday!
ria: thank you, dear. how come u remember? đ hehehe..
fithri: boleh2x aja. emailku: nilatanzil@yahoo.com
nadia: iya yah, Nad.. harusnya kita mikir gitu juga yaaa.. =) let’s do it from now on! đ
As usual, I just follow my religion “pure” direction, like nadia febina said. So, when my father passed away last year, I didn’t feel any sadness, didn’t cry. But sometimes I can shed tears when I remember his not for missing feeling reason, but because in some extent I still can follow his model as father.
I always pray for him, not for a sadness reason, but for optimism reason, because praying is a source of energy sharing.
The only ‘proper’ funeral I have ever attended was that of my grandfather – he was a very much loved man. Having spent years growing up around him, I felt detached when I heard of his passing (although remaining functional indeed, I had to sit an exam the next morning!) We – sister, me and a cousin – took a flight back home right after my exam.
I was apparently shocked to see him dead and learn he’s not gonna be around anymore. But then, what was around me was just his physical shell and not exactly what I really love about him (his wit, his wisdom, his lovely positive outlook in life.) So by the end of the day I saw him dead I found myself smiling for having such a great ‘orang biasa’ as my grandfather. After all, life goes on :))