Saturday, May 28, 2011

5 Months of Absence

Dear readers,

Apologize for being out of touch. I haven't uploaded this blog for 5 months! I know. My bad.
I remember on New Year's eve, I was thinking of this blog and made a new year resolution: updating my blog regularly, at least once a week!
And yet, it never happens. On the contrary, I didn't update it for 5 months. Crazy.

It's amazing to see that time passes by so quickly. I was so swamped at my new job in a probably the biggest foundation in Indonesia, until I didn't even realize that I haven't visited my own blog in a long time!

A lot of things happened in the past 5 months. Good things. Bad things. Happy days. Sad days.
But, that's life. Sometimes it's not easy to deal with the sad days, but I just have to believe that the good days will come. And the storm will pass. I just have to move on and look forward for the sunny days ahead ;) On the beach? ;) Why not!! :D

I didn't travel as much as I did last year. Which is a pity. But, it's ok. Sometimes in life, there are times when we have more free time for ourself. But, there are also other times when we find it difficult to even breath! That's where we got so occupied with work and other stuff, and we couldn't even find time for ourself. As much as I want to say, that's not a good thing, I feel that I'm in that period of time at this moment :(.

Anyway, I have to keep reminding myself that "Life has to be balanced". I don't want to end up being old and ignorant of people who care for me. I still remember when I was diving in Raja Ampat, Papua, Indonesia, I got so excited taking pictures of pigmy seahorses and I forgot to check my dive computer. It was 22 meters depth and I've been diving for 50 minutes. My dive computer was beeping, but I thought, "Oh ok, a few minutes of taking more pictures of the pigmy seahorses won't hurt. I'll do the decompression stop".

But, apparently, I totally forgot to check my dive computer again and when I realized it, I looked at the numbers at the dive comp, it showed "Deco stop 46 minutes". Holy moly!
I grabbed my gauge and checked how many oxygen left, it showed "80 bars".
I started calculating. Should be enough if I stayed in 5 meters or so. But, how about my dive master? Would he have enough air?

To cut the story short, I thought I was gonna die that time. Really. It was almost 6pm and it was getting darker and darker and we didn't bring any torch as we were not planning to do a night dive. The current also got stronger. There was a white tip shark swimming around, I couldn't even enjoy the show. I was constantly looking at my gauge and dive computer.

In the moment of death, I thought of my Mom and my brothers. Only them. Suddenly, I see my Mom's face and couldn't stop thinking of her, how much she's worried, sad when she heard the news if something bad happened to me, how my brothers will feel and comfort each other, etc. I also see the sweet memories that we had in the past, when I was a kid, teenager and all the snap shots of scenes. Just like watching a movie. In the blue, I felt so sad that I thought I was going to leave them... And I wanted to say how much I loved them...

Did I think of my job? NO.
Did I think of my career? NO.
Did I think of my boss? NO.
Did I think of my assignments? NO.

At one point, my dive master ran out of air. He grabbed my octopus and we started sucking the oxygen from my tank. I breathed very slowly, trying to save as much air as I could. In the end, my dive computer showed "Deco Stop - Zero", and my tank was also Zero! Whoa!! In total, we dived for 120 minutes or so! The longest dive I've ever had, probably in my entire life..
We emerged to the sea, and it was already dark. Our boat wasn't there. Shit. I thought we were going to stay in the middle of the sea until someone found us the next day. I got worried. OMG. What the hell am I doing?
We waited and waited, luckily, we heard a boat coming. Apparently, it was the owner of the dive resort! He found us! Yeayyy! What a relief!

So, having saved from the "moment of death", I realized that none of those things matter. The most important thing that matters is the people I love.

Getting swamped at work almost every day, I have to keep on reminding myself of not sacrificing the people I love the most. I know it's hard to balance the time, but at least I have to be there for them. And spend time with them, and most importantly, make the time for them.

This post is a reminder for myself. In 5 months of my absence in this blog, perhaps I also haven't spent enough time for the loved ones. Also time for myself.

And now, I will try to fix it... Will try to spare more time for myself and for the loved ones... :)
Andy by spending more time for myself, it also means, not letting myself neglecting my blog anymore! Ha!

3 comments:

Maha Lestari said...

Hey Mba Nila, I'm glad you're back again! I really missed your writings. :'(

I enjoy your blog very much. It really inspires and entertains me especially with the dive and travel stories. I love them very much!

Thank you for sharing yaa.. Have a nice life..

Cheers,
Tari

nila tanzil said...

Hi Tari, how are you?

Glad to know that you love my blog and actually missed my writings... ^-^ *hugs*
I also missed writing.. hehehe.. but sometimes when I got so busy at work, by the time I got home, I didn't have much energy left! :))
However, I think with blogging, we just have to be more discipline in updating it, right?
I'll try to be more discipline in writing! Hihihi...
Take care, Tari... enjoy your life to the fullest ya!

cheers,
Nila

SHANTI said...

My tears dripping of as I'm reading this posting. It hits me. I suddenly remember my mom at home and feel regret that I often neglect her. I dedicate myself to work and my plan only without remembering that people I love needs my attention.
Thousand thanks, Nila!